so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
