I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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