I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize