we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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