in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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