Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
