Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize