walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
