i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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