Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
