There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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