Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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