i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Randomize