I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
