The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize