we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize