I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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