Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
