How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
