Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
