we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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