I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
