It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
