the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
i now understand why vodka
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
