he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
