my mouth tastes like poor choices
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
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