Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
