508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
