This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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