someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
