I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
It was like getting head from an anaconda
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
