you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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