Just took my morning after pill in the library
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
