I am full of burrito and curiosity
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
