Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
