I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
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