It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
