Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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