I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
