Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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