You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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