Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
