another moral hangover. fuck.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Randomize
