I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
