i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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