Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
