I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I forget how to act sober
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize