I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
