The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
