hotel room ftw
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
