Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
