And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
