please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
