I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I seem to have left my pride at pride
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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