I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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