My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
