I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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