Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
