I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
You need a sexual gate keeper
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
