On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I just found puke in my bra..
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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