guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
