Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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