The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
