I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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