I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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