All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I touched a dick in church today
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
