she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
