Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize