paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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