he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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