Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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