At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
