Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
