So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
