i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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