Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
