I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
