My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
