Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize