Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
i out mim tonsoeep
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