im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
