the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
