I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
