You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
