i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
