is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
