She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
