We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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