I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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