im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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