Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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