If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
