How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I cannot find my penis.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize